Deep breathe in........I am ready to hear the answer

I don't know how I became a member of Quora, but it is a really cool site.  People ask questions and if Quora thinks you may know the answer, you are asked to answer it.  Most people write very detailed answers and even if you don't have a question or any answer, you can get lost in reading the questions and answers.  I've learned a lot about the mechanics of cars. 

It reminds of the time that I once asked a trusted a friend a question.  She said she knew the answer and she would tell me.  I changed the subject quickly.  She didn't realize that I was asking the question rhetorically and I really didn't want the answer. 

Years have passed and I think I am ready to hear the answer. 

It has to do with the Toastmasters organization.  I had a great career in Toastmasters and I got some great advice along the way.  I remember one time I was telling another member about how I felt dismayed by how I was treated by a couple of other members.  The member that I was sharing the story with told me that she had learned how to not be offended by other's behavior.  That was an incredible "aha" moment for me.  I thought that she was the favorite member of everyone.  I couldn't believe that anyone had slighted her.  Even she had to learn how to not be offended.  That was a great moment for me and it told me to just be true to myself.  Continue as I would normally do and take care of myself and let others take care of themselves. 

I had a lot of highs and lows in the Toastmaster organization.  One high was being President of Goodbye Jitters and having reached 10/10 points to become a President's Distringuished Club before April 1.  We had made that plan in our club success plan and we achieved it as a team.  Another high was being the Passport Winner.  It was a contest that I thought was brilliant.  Unfortunately, it really didn't catch on.  I got a medal for winning.  It was very cool.  Being Club Coach Coordinator for two years in a row was a wonderful experience every day of those two years.  I probably would still be in the organization if I had been asked to continue on in that role.  I hit the cycle one year.  I completed all the Educational designations in one calendar year.  I'm really proud of that.  Now, I understand the education program is being changed.  That's fine.  Change is good.  I'm still proud of hitting the cycle in one year and think there are few Toastmasters that can claim that feat.  The low point for me was when I was absent when I won Toastmaster of the Year.  I missed getting the applause.  I had workd hard for that applause.  It is a long story, but I actually tried to purchase a ticket to attend that banquet but I was not allowed to buy one. 

I remember another Toastmaster telling me that she just wanted to appear on the District stage one time in her career.  That meant that she wanted to be a District finalist in a speech contest. 

I was fortunate enough to compete on the District stage 6 times.  (One not in District 64.)  For my first appearance, my speech was a review of the DSMIV as I was told that if my speech caused a chuckle, I would be disqualified.  I wrote a speech guaranteeing no one would chuckle or even smile.  I had received wrong information, but it didn't matter.  I definitely deserved to finsih 6/6 for that contest.  Yes, they only announced top 3 but I am very confident I was 6th. 

My first time on the District 64 stage, I finished 3rd.  Very few people agreed with the placing of that contest, but I really believe the judges got that one right.  I agreed with their rankings. 

I competed in an Evaluation contest and didn't place.  Two members that were not fans of me said they felt I had it.  I understand why I didn't place.  I took a different strategy than the other contestants.  Plus, ask anyone who has been evaluated by me.  I'm a pretty tough evaluator.  I was often called out on that.  An evaluation is supposed to be motivating and not demoralizing. 

I finished second in my only appearance in the Humourous Speech Contest.  I know it was close and I spoke second last.  I used the microphone that had some annoying feedback and also ruined some of the timing of my jokes as they were heard a few seconds difference depending on where you were in the room.  The last contestant won and he chose to forego the microphone.   So, even though it wasn't entirely a level playing field, I was happy with second.  The guy who won is an outstanding speaker and had a great speech. 

That leaves my other two appearances on the District stage.  I didn't place.  In the first contest, the person who finished third told me she was positive that I deserved to win.  The winner came to me in tears because he felt he did not deserve the trophy and felt I did.  He said that had I finished second, he would have let me advance.  I felt I did well and I have a got speech.  I didn't understand why I didn't place. 

I was very proud of my final appearance at the district level as well.  I didn't place.  I know this sounds like sour grapes but I feel there were a few factors where different rules applied to me and not to others.  So, I was candidly expressing my disappointment to my friend and said, "why can't I win at the District level?"  She said she knew the answer.  I wasn't ready to hear it. 

Today, I am ready to hear it.  If you know the answer, please message me.  I want to learn and I want to grow. And, even though I do want to know, I am literally shaking because I am nervous......

xoxoxox