I Love To Marry

When I was a little girl, my father had an odd request for me.  He said he really didn't care how many times I got married, but he wanted me to keep my name.

I have actually lost track of how many people I have married, but I have kept the name that is written on my birth certificate.  I love to marry people !!

The photo is me waiting for the bridal party to come and join me.  It was one of the hottest days of the year, and also one of the windiest.  When the ceremony started and I had to use my script, I only had one free hand.  I had to alternate that hand between keeping my dress from flashing the guests and sweeping the hair out of my face so I could see my notes.  It was so hot that I felt my makeup running down my face and sweat trickling down my body.

It was such a beautiful wedding. I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll.  Actually, the bride still rocks.  She was the most beautiful bride that I have ever seen.  (I say that at every wedding that I have ever been to.)  The groom was a veritable Prince Charming.  It was a large wedding party and the whole field was rich in love and full of joy.  They will have a wonderful future together.  It was an honour to pronounce them man and wife and ask them to seal their covenant with a kiss.

Yes, I love to marry people.  That day, I was pleased to marry my friend Amanda.  I married her to Chad.

Why do I love to be an officiant?  Well, I suppose the biggest reason is because I cry at all weddings.  If I am officiating, I have to keep a stiff upper lip and all that.

But, the real reason that I love to marry people is much deeper and the roots of the reason go back over 25 years ago. 

I was getting married in the summer of 1992.  The Church in which we were going to get married had a mandatory marriage preparation class.  It was more than a class.  It was a mini retreat.  There was me and my fiance and four other couples.  With the exception of us, each of the other couples were already living together.  Two of the couples had children together.  My fiance and I weren't really thrilled to be there, but the other four couples were really not happy to be there.  After all, they were already living together so essentially they were already married. 

Regardless, we started on Friday night.  After a pizza dinner, we spent the evening doing exercises with our partners and not interacting with anyone else.  The two ministers guided us by asking us to tell our partner what we most loved about them, etc.  The Friday night was supposed to be a celebration of our love.  It was designed to focus on what brought us together so that we would have a strong foundation for Saturday.  Saturday was going to be challenging.  So, we sat as couples for three hours sharing our favorite memories, our dreams for our future together, etc.  Well, out of the 5 couples, my fiance and I were the only ones who left together.  Actually, as we found out when it was over, we were the only ones who stayed the whole session.  Two of the women took theirs cars home alone.  Their partners decided to go out for a beer.  The other two women left in one car while their partners left in another car.  If this was the easy part, I couldn't wait for Saturday. 

Saturday morning was a series of lectures by outside faculty.  Sexuality.  Parenting.  Financial Planning.  Stress Management.  We listened and took notes and asked questions.  Ok, so I asked questions.  One of the potential brides spontaneously started crying just before lunch and ran out of the room.  Her potential groom followed.  We had a tense lunch and then started with the difficult part of the afternoon.  Communication.  We did a number of role plays and other exercises.  About half way through the afternoon, the runaway bride came back crying her eyes out.  One of her eyes appeared more puffy then the other but it was so hard to tell because she was crying so hard.  Her chosen one came into the room a few minutes later.  His face was red and one hand was redder than the other.  You could feel the anger seering off of him.  Since there were two ministers in attendance, one took the couple away to another room and one minister carried on.  We were all glad when 4 pm came and we could go home. We were given a homework assignment to come up with a collage as a couple.  I did the collage myself.  I didn't realize that this was a red flag.  If my guy couldn't even spend a few minutes doing a collage with me, how could I expect him to participate in our relationship.  We met briefly on Sunday and then attended Church as a group.  I will never forget the collage that was done by the runaway bride.  It was a picture of a broken heart.  They did not sit together in our meeting or in Church. 

After the weekend, since I was friendly with one of the Ministers, I asked her if she was still planning to marry the  couple.  She couldn't tell me anything, because of confidentiality, but indicated that the weekend had served its purpose and it had identified couples who still needed further preparation.  I wish that my fiance and I were so identified.  It might have saved both of us time and heartbreak. 

The next year I joined the marriage preparation faculty.  I lectured about sexuality.  At the time, I really felt that if any couple needed me to teach them about sexuality, then they really shouldn't get married.  It turns out that I was wrong.  These were adults and they had questions about basic birth control.  It also turned out that I ended one engagement when the prospective groom felt empowered to come out as a homosexual during my lecture.  I don't know if that was a success or a failure but I wasn't asked back to be part of the faculty. 

Times have changed and marriage preparation has also changed.  I am now a mature engaged woman.  Somehow I got on an email list for a "30 Master Class for Marriage Preparation".  For 30 days staight, I got an email with a link to the podcast of the day for only $9.99/podcast.  Based on my experience, I believe in marriage preparation so I would have been willing to try out a couple of the podcasts, however, none of the 60 minute podcasts were of interest to me.  The topics were "Selecting your Wedding Flowers", "Choosing Your Dessert", "The importance of a choreographed dance at the ceremony", "Choosing the Right Invitations:; I think choosing the wedding dress was so important that there were about 3 podcasts on that subject.  This is what counts as marriage preparation?  The wedding is more important than everything that comes after?  No wonder the divorce rate remains high. 

So, to make a short story very long, that is why I love to marry people.  I feel it is one of the ways I make my corner of the world a little better.  I do a wedding consultation with every couple and if I really don't think they should be married, I recommend counselling and a different Officiant.  I know my consultation does not replace real pre-marital counseling, but perhaps I am thinking of a way to do that as well.  I think there is a need. 

Marriage is hard work.  We can help by making sure couples have all the tools they need to be a success.