Something has happened to every woman
A few random thoughts.
I think my sweetie is one of the good guys. I think he is respectful towards women. I know he would rather cut off his right arm before he ever raised it to me. However, he used to tell what he thought was a witty comment when people asked him if he had any children. He would say, "not that I know of." I used to tell him that comment was not witty and was in poor taste. He would tell me to lighten up. The #MeToo movement has taught him many things and he no longer says that comment. I don't care that he didn't listen to me, the point is that when he knew better, he did better. He has evolved in his thinking. It means that even the good ones are not perfect but a work in progress. It explains why some feminists are perceived as radical. It is just because we feel if we take our foot off the gas pedal, we will lose ground.
Something happened to me once. I think I have all but gotten over this in my mind but my body is still not over it. I am hyper-vigilant and I have a heightened startle response. It is really beyond my control. Today, I happened to be alone in a public washroom and I was washing my hands. A woman came into the washroom. My body reacted and I let out a small yelp and I jumped. It wasn't something I chose to do, it just happened. My startle response startled the other woman. To my surprise, she started to ream me out. How dare I startle her? I could have given her a heart attack? She was a young woman, too. Younger than me. She thought I deliberately was trying to frighten her. I never had experienced this before. She was upset because she was startled for a couple of seconds. Well, I have basically been startled for the last 15 years. I decided to tell her that there was a reason why I had a heightened startle response. She rolled her eyes. She was a stranger. She couldn't even believe me for a few seconds. That is why so few women take the risk and disclose.
I have a facebook friend who has one of the most perfect lives I know. Happily married, great career, great kids, perfect house, and all that. I don't begrudge her of any of it. She really is one of the nicest people I know and I know she knows she is blessed and doesn't take anything for granted. Also, she works hard at her life and deserves it all as she gives so much positivity out to the universe. She has never posted anything remotely controversial or political. Sometimes, I wonder if she has ever had a problem in her life. Anyway, I was surprised when she posted a little while after Justice Kavanaugh testified to the Senate Judicial Committee. She posted that "something that they didn't want to happen has happened to every woman." That was the boldest thing I have ever seen her post. It was powerful to me, and also sad, because it is likely true.
I love Law and Order. I prefer the original series but I also love SVU. It is like my Blog or White...becasuse it never is. The law, which you think is the most black and white thing in society, has the deepest shades of grey. There is one comment by Lt. Benson that is always in the back of my mind. A woman can't decide whether she wants to go to court. Olivia tells her something to the effect that she has known women who have won and women who have lost in court, but she has never known one who has regretted it.
I am very close to one who has regretted it. In SVU, the sexual assault happens and then the investigation and trial is concluded in under a week. To the woman, I am close to, this process took over two years. It consumed her life tor that time. It didn't allow her to heal or move forward, just to remain stuck in trauma. When it was over, she wasn't satisfied. The disposition wasn't enough, but, the reality was that it would never be enough. And, then it was over. What do you do after you have spent years of your life being entrenched in a battle? How does this prepare you to do anything else?
A couple of months ago, I cut out an article from a newspaper. I never do that, but I just felt compelled to keep this article. It talked about a Canadian study that was published in the Emergency Medicine Journal. It said that in Canada, only 33 of every 1,000 sexual assaults are reported to the police. Only 6 lead to prosecution and only 3 end in a conviction. I have read that over and over again. And, the 1000 sexual assaults they are talking about are the ones that end up in hospital. Most are going to hospital for emergency contraception or for treatment of injuries. Most decline a rape kit because of its intrusiveness and because it takes 8-10 hours. Most are also not eligible for a rape kit because it has been too long. I am assuming for every 1000 victims that go to hospital, there is probably equally or more than that who don't bother going to hospital. I have read that statistic over and over again.
Matt Damon did a brilliant portrayal of Kavanaugh last night on the season premier of Saturday Night Live. Weekend Update was brilliant, as it always is. It must be so easy to be a comedy writer these days. It really writes itself. Damon was so funny because it was so close to the truth. And that is the real tragedy.
#believevictims
Something happened to me once. I think I have all but gotten over this in my mind but my body is still not over it. I am hyper-vigilant and I have a heightened startle response. It is really beyond my control. Today, I happened to be alone in a public washroom and I was washing my hands. A woman came into the washroom. My body reacted and I let out a small yelp and I jumped. It wasn't something I chose to do, it just happened. My startle response startled the other woman. To my surprise, she started to ream me out. How dare I startle her? I could have given her a heart attack? She was a young woman, too. Younger than me. She thought I deliberately was trying to frighten her. I never had experienced this before. She was upset because she was startled for a couple of seconds. Well, I have basically been startled for the last 15 years. I decided to tell her that there was a reason why I had a heightened startle response. She rolled her eyes. She was a stranger. She couldn't even believe me for a few seconds. That is why so few women take the risk and disclose.
I have a facebook friend who has one of the most perfect lives I know. Happily married, great career, great kids, perfect house, and all that. I don't begrudge her of any of it. She really is one of the nicest people I know and I know she knows she is blessed and doesn't take anything for granted. Also, she works hard at her life and deserves it all as she gives so much positivity out to the universe. She has never posted anything remotely controversial or political. Sometimes, I wonder if she has ever had a problem in her life. Anyway, I was surprised when she posted a little while after Justice Kavanaugh testified to the Senate Judicial Committee. She posted that "something that they didn't want to happen has happened to every woman." That was the boldest thing I have ever seen her post. It was powerful to me, and also sad, because it is likely true.
I love Law and Order. I prefer the original series but I also love SVU. It is like my Blog or White...becasuse it never is. The law, which you think is the most black and white thing in society, has the deepest shades of grey. There is one comment by Lt. Benson that is always in the back of my mind. A woman can't decide whether she wants to go to court. Olivia tells her something to the effect that she has known women who have won and women who have lost in court, but she has never known one who has regretted it.
I am very close to one who has regretted it. In SVU, the sexual assault happens and then the investigation and trial is concluded in under a week. To the woman, I am close to, this process took over two years. It consumed her life tor that time. It didn't allow her to heal or move forward, just to remain stuck in trauma. When it was over, she wasn't satisfied. The disposition wasn't enough, but, the reality was that it would never be enough. And, then it was over. What do you do after you have spent years of your life being entrenched in a battle? How does this prepare you to do anything else?
A couple of months ago, I cut out an article from a newspaper. I never do that, but I just felt compelled to keep this article. It talked about a Canadian study that was published in the Emergency Medicine Journal. It said that in Canada, only 33 of every 1,000 sexual assaults are reported to the police. Only 6 lead to prosecution and only 3 end in a conviction. I have read that over and over again. And, the 1000 sexual assaults they are talking about are the ones that end up in hospital. Most are going to hospital for emergency contraception or for treatment of injuries. Most decline a rape kit because of its intrusiveness and because it takes 8-10 hours. Most are also not eligible for a rape kit because it has been too long. I am assuming for every 1000 victims that go to hospital, there is probably equally or more than that who don't bother going to hospital. I have read that statistic over and over again.
Matt Damon did a brilliant portrayal of Kavanaugh last night on the season premier of Saturday Night Live. Weekend Update was brilliant, as it always is. It must be so easy to be a comedy writer these days. It really writes itself. Damon was so funny because it was so close to the truth. And that is the real tragedy.
#believevictims
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