Things Happen Gradually

Four years ago, my sweetie moved in with me and we officially began our common-law relationship.  I love being his wife and we plan to make it official soon.

He moved into my place so there was already a power imbalance.  It was my place.  He volunteered that he would be responsible for doing laundry.  That was great, that would be the one chore he would do compared to the million of chores that I do.  So, what is where it started.

As you get older, you gain a wisdom that is basically common sense.  I have learned that nothing happens over night and things happen gradually.

So, a little while later, the bathroom was in need of serious cleaning.  Quite frankly, since acquiring a male in my household, the bathroom was in need of cleaning more frequently.  However, this particular occasion, I didn't feel like doing it.  I appointed my sweetie as the bathroom cleaner.  After all, I did so much.

Then, well, the least you can do around here is the vacuuming.  After all, I do so much.

Then, well, if you are doing the bathroom mirror anyway, it will only take you a little extra time to do the rest of the mirrors and the windows.

Then, how can you set your drink on the end table and not see all the dust.  Obviously, you need to add dusting to your list of chores because then it will give you an appreciation for all that I do around here.

Before I knew it, he was doing 100% of household chores and he didn't realize it.  The funny thing was that I didn't realize it either.  I had started out in a power position and just naturally over time, I had taken advantage of this power.

I had become drunk on my own power.  But, the equally strange thing is that I didn't like it.  I remember complaining to a friend that I didn't like the way he did the windows because he left streaks.  I also couldn't stand the way he folded my sweaters when he put them away.  My friend had the nerve of saying, "well, if you really don't like it, you could do it yourself."  It was really funny.  I had been so busy pretending that I did so much in order to defer my sweetie from noticing that I was doing nothing, that I felt that doing something would destroy my cover of doing nothing.  Following?  Basically, I felt guilty that I was taking advantage of my sweetie, and I also felt increasingly uncomfortable in my own home since I wasn't contributing to making our space comfortable.

So, I started doing things.  Again, things don't happen over night.  It took a few years to get him to do everything.  We weren't going to achieve equity overnight.  Ironically my sweetie always told me that we worked great as a team.  It turned out he was right.  When we worked as a team, our space was beautiful, comfortable, and inviting.

And, it was actually easier doing things than keeping up the charade that I was.  Eventually, my sweetie would have realized that I wasn't doing anything and he would have been very hurt.  Yes, he is such a good guy, he wouldn't be angry, he would be hurt.  Turns out, I love this guy and didn't really want to hurt him.

Unfortunately, I am feeling very pessimistic about trade negotiations for NAFTA.  Again, things happen gradually.  Remember, when things started and they were going really well.  Our Chief Negotiator, Hon. Chrystia Freeland was confident and more than reasonable.  Her counterpart, Sec. Rex Tillerson was able to see the big picture.  We seemed close to brokering a deal.  Then, Trump fired Tillerson.  Remember when Mexico was Enemy #1 of the USA, according to Trump.  They were going to pay for a wall, and all that nonsense.  Well, all of a sudden, USA negotiated an agreement with Mexico.

Again, things happened gradually, but Trump seemed to be irritated with Trudeau over a press release that he actually signed, so he retaliated by tariffs.  Again, things happen gradually, but I think even the dairy cows in Wisconsin are getting tired of hearing about themselves.

I never thought I would be comparing myself to Trump, but I was a lot like Trump gradually taking advantage of my power.  The difference between me and Trump is that I eventually got tired of it.  Eventually, I realized that things didn't work unless we workd as a team.  In reality, Trump comes from a life of privilege and has not worked for many of the things he has achieved.  He has just taken them.  He is the ultimate example of entitlement.  He just thinks he can take whatever he wants regardless of the consequences.  Trump wrote a book called "The Art of the Deal".  I haven't read it but every tweet or newsconference he participates in seems to indicate that Trump thinks a good deal is one that he benefits 100% without any compromise.

Things happen gradually, but, I don't think Canada and US will be able to achieve a trade deal.  Not only is Hon. Chrystia Freeland highly intelligent, she is highly ethical.  The two qualities that will make it impossible to negotiate with Trump's America.